Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I just want nice things and good sex
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
