friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
