Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
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