So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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