i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
