who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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