my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
