I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
