It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
