My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
