I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
