I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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