PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
