I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
