He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
