He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
