why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
