at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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