She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
