Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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