Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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