And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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