yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
