I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
