I wish I only lived at night.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
