The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
