Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
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