He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
