I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
