I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
