I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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