I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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