everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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