i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
