I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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