so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
