Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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