there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
