This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I think I won the penis lottery.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
