i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
