giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
