Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
We left an ass print on the piano.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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