He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
