can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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