I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
