did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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