if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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