I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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