I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Randomize
