No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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