Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
