at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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