summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
