I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
