You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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