I can't watch pbs sober anymore
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
