Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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