Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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