im drinking this country out of the recession.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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