Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
