So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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