Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
