I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
