You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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