I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
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