My friends, they love my intelligence
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
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