I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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