Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
