$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
