tell your sister to shave her snatch
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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